So you’ve gone and blown it with your girlfriend/boyfriend and now all you want is to get her/him back into your life. Well, before you start buying teddy bears and roses for your one and only, maybe you should take a quick recap of what made you break up with your ex in the first place. (Or, what made your ex break up with you.) You may be missing her now, but after a week or two of her face, you might be kicking yourself for making up with her. According to the Magic of Making Up the question you need to ask yourself is: Should you try to make up with your ex?

First of all, you need to figure out why you’re missing them. Are you feeling lonely simply because you’re not going out with friends and enjoying yourself? Are you just having trouble remembering what it was like to live the single life? If this is the problem, then what you need isn’t your ex back in your life. What you need is to get to know yourself again. Being in a relationship for any period of time can get you in a rut. You fall into a routine where everything is done in pairs. Once the playmate leaves the scene, you panic and don’t know what to do with all your free time. Don’t fret and don’t let this draw you back to your ex. Go out with some friends. Have dinner with your parents and co workers. See a movie. Get back into the single groove.

Of course, maybe you just want that one person back in your life. You’re not afraid of being single; you’re afraid of being without them. Alright, then you need to make a list of all the reasons you broke up with your girl/boy friend. Did he have hygiene problems? Was she too clingy? If it’s personal traits that you broke up with them over, then the question is, were they things that you can’t live with, or were they just quirky, little things that got blown out of proportion? If it’s the latter, then sure; give your ex another shot.

Now, perhaps it was an event that caused the break up. Did he cheat on you? Did you catch her kissing one of your friends? I’m all for second chances, but if loyalty is an issue in a relationship, then it doesn’t stand much of a chance. You need to know in your heart whether you think you can trust them. If you can’t, then move on and find someone you can trust.

Now here’s the big one. No matter how much you may miss or care about your ex, if for any reason the ex was mistreating you, then you need to stay away. There is no excuse for a man hitting his girlfriend or a woman tearing down her boyfriend’s confidence. If he was constantly belittling or hurting you, then you don’t need him. Move on and out to find someone who knows a little about common decency.

Those are the main deciding factors, the rest I leave to you.